Dec 15, 2010
It seems that every year during the holiday season, I find myself having to brush up on my Christmas vocabulary. I only learned a few years ago what myrrh is, and I heard the word “Ruprecht” for the first time this year and wish I hadn’t. Yikes.
With Christmas right around the corner and with my little guy walking around singing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, I thought this an opportune time to learn the actual names of Santa’s furry, antlered friends as opposed to making up names that I like. I also thought this an opportune time to share a page from the Oomphalos Christmas Dictionary for Parents and Carers.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good lexicon!
ADVENT – (verb) parents venting at ads whose products and services somehow sneak their way onto children’s “I need” lists.
BOXING DAY – (noun) what some mothers half-jokingly tell their children the day will be if their fathers forget to put down the toilet seat or take out the rubbish, as in “Today is Boxing Day, and in this corner we have forgetful daddy, and in this corner, had-it-up-to-here mommy.”
CANDLE – (verb) what new parents the world over have said newborns have the ability to do to their sex lives, even if temporarily.
DECK THE HALLS (verb) – what certain toddlers do in the midst of a particularly dramatic tantrum in the home.
EGG NOG (noun, shortened form of EGG NOGGIN) – a scrambled parent’s brain, often caused by lack of sleep, talking excessive baby talk, or singing Baa Baa Black Sheep 50 times in one day.
MISTLETOE (noun, slang) – an appendage injury due to stepping on, aiming to replace batteries in, or being on the receiving end of thrown children’s toys, as in “Why the arm sling, Bob? Mistletoe again?” Etymology: a phenomenon in the 1940s when parents and carers were accidentally stepping on children’s toy missiles on their bedroom floors.
NOEL (adverb, slang) – refers to new motherhood, derives from one mother telling another new mother “No Elle, no Grazia, no Vogue. It’s all about Mother & Baby, Practical Parenting and sleep.”
SAINT NICK (noun) – term of affection some parents have given the television network that airs SpongeBob SquarePants, iCarly, Penguins of Madagascar, and Back at the Barnyard episodes.
SILENT NIGHT (interjection) – often overheard being exclaimed by parents of newborns, as in “Silent Night!!!!!!!!!!! What’s that??????”
SNOWFLAKE (noun) – a mother who cancels a playdate just because there’s a tiny bit of white stuff falling from the sky.
YULE (verb) – contraction of pronoun “you” and auxiliary verb “will”:
1. in child labour, usually precedes “be absolutely fine, but if you do need that epidural, don’t hesitate to ask.”
2. in speaking to a toddler, usually precedes “spill that whole cup of juice if you are trying to balance it on your pinky finger.”
3. in speaking to a teenager, usually precedes “understand when you have children of your own someday.”